


A Secondhand Emotion

by egelskaseriunaHxH



Series: GingKite One-Shots for the Soul [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fanart Included, Gen, Ging centric, Implied Mpreg, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Mpreg, Parenthood, baby gon, trans kite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27837406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egelskaseriunaHxH/pseuds/egelskaseriunaHxH
Summary: Ging Freecss could not and did not love; that was how his life was destined to be.At least, that was the phrase with which he consoled himself.Fate had an incessant habit of reminding Ging exactly why he should not, and could not, love.orThe progression of Ging Freecss's tumultuous relationship with love throughout the first stage of his life.
Relationships: Ging Freecs & Gon Freecs, Ging Freecs & Kaito | Kite, Ging Freecs & Mito Freecs, Ging Freecs/Kaito | Kite, Gon Freecs & Kaito | Kite
Series: GingKite One-Shots for the Soul [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018819
Comments: 14
Kudos: 46





	A Secondhand Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to do this instead of preparing for my rigorous medical exams, so, enjoy!
> 
> I have a sequel in mind that follows Ging through the years as Gon grows up, leading up to when they meet, as well as their interactions with Kite - and then an epilogue some decades later. I'll share it if enough people are interested! It was originally supposed to be one fic but the writing just got away from me.
> 
> Title taken from Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do with It"
> 
> Please bear in mind when errors inevitably show up that I am dyslexic and autistic :) 
> 
> ||
> 
> Find me on Instagram and Tumblr: @egelskaseriunahxh
> 
> \- M. A.

Ging Freecss could not and did not love; that was how his life was destined to be. 

At least, that was the phrase with which he consoled himself. 

Fate had an incessant habit of reminding Ging exactly why he should not, and could not, love. 

~

As a young boy, Ging loved adventure; he loved the freedom of being an island boy, the animals that welcomed him as kin. He loved the smell of the sea breeze as it wafted across his skin, warm and brown from the sun's constant caresses. He loved his parents, his Grandmother Abe, his aunt, uncle, and especially his little cousin Mito. He loved showing her all the wonderful things that could be found and discovered on Whale Island. He loved having a companion who he could teach to swim, to climb trees, to nurture animals, and with whom to learn about the secrets of the wider world.

He loved his birthdays, which was when his dad would take him out on an overnight fishing trip, and they would sit by the campfire, entertained by the stories of his father's youth until Ging fell asleep with his head on his father's arm. He loved fruits, pancakes, and cakes in general, especially the big chocolate one that his mother would make at every start of each holiday season. He loved his life and felt blessed to live one with such happiness. 

Eventually, though, the joy of youth must be broken by some sombre fact of life. Usually, reality catches up to the innocent bliss of childhood in the form of heartbreak, messily packaged as the failure of something important, the loss of one's home, the terror of abuse, or even as the death of loved ones. 

Ging's first lesson with love arrived to Whale Island, when he was 8, as a letter that neither his nor Mito's parents would be returning from their cruise-vacation to York New City. There had been a typhoon that had smashed the ship to smithereens, and only 15 of the 500 passengers had managed to escape with their lives; the number of which did not include her sons and daughters-in-law, to the despair of Abe Freecss. Family members were told to not expect the remains of their loved ones and so the rites for Ging and Mito's parents were done with minimal closure for the two children. 

~

As a pre-teen, Ging loved adventure. He loved the freedom of being an island boy, but he was quickly outgrowing the simple pleasures that came with a home of such minimal square footage. The sea breeze and incessant sunshine soon became a reminder of the monotony of his days and the lack of anything new or exciting on Whale Island. He loved his Grandmother Abe and especially his little cousin Mito, even though they kept asking him to talk about his parents. There was nothing to talk about. His parents did not exist so why should he waste time giving breath to those already parted?

He disliked whenever Grandma Abe would remind him that it was okay to cry to her every time after he came home from fishing with red eyes. He disliked when Mito would try to hug him and tell him everything would be okay - everything was already okay! Eventually, he stopped fishing, hanging his fishing rod up one evening and never picking it back up again; he stopped eating anything with chocolate, and he refused to celebrate his birthdays and the holiday season. He loved his life. 

~

As a teenager, Ging loved adventure. He loved the freedom of being a lone traveller, especially one that had passed the Hunter Exam at such a young age. He stayed away from the seaside and islands, travelling instead through large cities or forests, on the constant hunt for ruins or any archaeological findings worth his time. He loved exploring and finding ancient artefacts, relishing in the feeling of being alone on a never-ending adventure. He loved Grandma Abe and cousin Mito, but he did not miss them because they had grown too stifling as he grew older. He did not miss them - he wanted to be alone. He ~~liked~~ loved his life. 

~

As a newly-turned adult, Ging loved adventure. He loved the freedom of being a traveller, though, he was no longer alone, but he could live with that. He had found a companion in a starving, transgender, teenaged orphan sewer rat living on the streets of some random city called Kite and they had been inseparable since their meeting two years prior. He loved teaching Kite, he loved the company that Kite brought to his lonely life, and he loved the way that they meshed together as a pair. Kite was kind but tough, gentle but strong, and humble but talented. Ging loved the way that Kite had changed his life and he even loved things like the way Kite's white hair glinted in the sun, the way his blue eyes lit up with a new achievement or praise, or even the way his lean fingers felt on the off-chance that they touched Ging.

Ging still loved Grandma Abe and cousin Mito, and often wished that they could meet Kite and welcome him into the small Freecss family. Over their two years of travelling and friendship, Ging had grown to love almost everything about Kite, yet he knew that he truly didn't, simply because Ging could not and did not love any other being but his grandmother and cousin, and that was that. And so, when Kite asked him about love, Ging ignored his traitorous heart, denied its existence, and sent Kite away after a parting night of physical pleasure with decidedly no-emotions-attached. He ~~didn't like~~ loved his life. 

~

As a young adult, Ging loved adventure. He had been successful in discovering and restoring the Lurka Civilisation Ruins and had just finished developing a rigorous game for Hunters called 'Greed Island'. He loved the freedom of being alone once more and so was understandably enraged when Kite showed up with a squirming bundle called Gon that loved to scream and stare at Ging with dark hair and golden eyes identical to his. He was angry at Kite for keeping the bundle and even angrier at his heart for pushing him to insist that they try to raise the bundle on Greed Island - as platonic co-parents, of course.

If he viewed the bundle as a new adventure, then he could attach some emotions of love to it, and so that was what he did. The bundle eventually became mobile and stopped screaming, instead producing an exciting new adventure for his parents each new day. Ging's heart was full; he felt satisfied. The bundle had given him hope that maybe, just maybe, he could love safely without having it taken away and slowly he began to express his love for both the bundle and Kite, first by actions and then in words. Ging loved his life and felt blessed to live one with such genuine happiness after a very long time. 

Soon enough though, fate seemed to seek out Ging in his hidden corner to once again sink its painful talons into his heart. 

~

The bundle - Gon, as Ging now felt inclined to call him, _sometimes_ \- had already completed his second revolution around the sun and Kite had finally seemed willing to discuss the possibility of another bundle when disaster struck. Some players, frustrated with the game, particularly the effects caused by the pregnancy stones, caught wind of the fact that one of the game creators lived on Greed Island with his ~~family~~ companion and bundle, and decided to attack. Far from defenceless, they escaped unscathed, with the exception of one scratch to Kite's arm, but the damage was already done to their safe bubble of bliss. Thoughts of another bundle were thrown to the wind as Kite chastised Ging about the qualms of raising a family in the middle of a deadly Hunter game. Days of discussion following the attack finally resulted in the pair deciding on leaving Gon with Ging's family for a month until they could find a suitable home that was remote but also close to numerous allies in case of an emergency. 

~

As a young adult; a father, a husband; Ging loved his family. He still loved adventure, but the call of reckless escapades no longer tugged at his navel strings like the irresistible cries of a siren; rather, adventure now came as discovering the events of each new day with the bundle. He loved freedom, yet he did not yearn for the freedom that came with being a lone wanderer - his heart was already filled with the freedom of embracing the bliss of raising his own son with the man he loved - besides, he knew that there would be time for more adventurous travels and freedom as a Hunter family when the bundle could hold his own. Ging loved the sea breeze and sunshine once more, its feelings of safety and nostalgia becoming a source of comfort as they searched for a new home.

He loved Kite; the way his eyes lit up whenever Gon said "Mama"; the way his secret smile would grace across his normally-stoic features when Ging would rock their bundle to sleep; the way his softer hand felt in Ging's rougher one as they watched the sun set, wedding bands glinting in its final rays. He loved the bundle - Gon - and the way he filled his life with purpose, joy, love, and hope. He still loved Grandma Abe and cousin Mito, especially more so when they ooh-ed and ahh-ed, fawned and fussed, and welcomed the bundle with open arms upon meeting him. He loved that he and Kite could have family to rely on, and when they would return in a month, he would love to hear about how their time looking after the bundle had gone. Ging loved his life and felt blessed to have genuine happiness, familial bonds, and love after a very long time. 

~

As an adult, Ging loved nothing. Love was a fickle, secondhand emotion for weaker people to fill their boring lives with sentimental distractions. Adventure and freedom were his life, but there was nothing to love about that - they just _existed_. Ging hated the smell of the sea and he disliked sunshine with lush landscapes - he preferred dry, desert terrains. He had no family to love - his Grandma Abe had let cousin Mito do as she pleased without informing him. ~~Cousin Mito~~ \- _Mito -_ he would remind himself bitterly, unwilling to acknowledge any familial bond with such a woman, was the cause of his heart's reconciliation with a disdain for love. He had entrusted ~~their~~ ~~his~~ the bundle to her, with the plan to return for him in a month's time. Despite sending 4 letters explaining their month's delay, upon returning to Whale Island 2 months to the day they had first left the bundle, Ging and Kite had found Mito waving legal papers for custody and restraining orders, claiming that their _lifestyles were unfit_ for the rearing of a child.

Ging had never before considered if Mito resented him for 'deserting' her when he was still a pre-teen and she a child, or if she approved of Kite, his 'nature', and their choice of occupation, but he finally had his answer. The pain of losing the bundle turned both Ging and Kite bitter, and after some months of nightly tears, fights and cross-blaming, he left his husband asleep in the dead of the night, leaving nothing but his Hunter License and a piece of paper saying, "Don't come looking for me". The bundle would be no more to him unless he somehow decided to seek Ging out himself. Life was a self-centred journey to find whatever tickled the fancy of a lone wanderer like Ging Freecss. He did not love his life, because he did not love anything. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Please comment below if you would like me to do a part 2 outlining Ging, Kite and Gon's reunion and interactions and how those play with GIng's perception of love.
> 
> I only ask this because I am a medical student (like Leorio :D) and I don't want to spend time that could be used for studying to write a sequel if no one is really interested. 
> 
> Please find me on Instagram and Tumblr: @egelskaseriunahxh
> 
> I'd love to be friends/mutuals. I mostly post my art but I intend to share my writing on Tumblr when my semester ends in 3 weeks.
> 
> \- M. A.


End file.
